Growing Up Girl

Is there such thing as having too much sex with the person you love?
Let's say, once or twice a day. Is that too much?
Would you say that it can become boring if you have it once or twice a day for 2 weeks?

Since I found out my boyfriend has cheated on me, every day is going so fast.
It's like a blur.

I do get upset every day. And it upsets me more because the person I would usually seek comfort in when I'm upset, is the one who upset me.
The person I need the most has betrayed me.

We have made love so much more than before I found out. I guess it's just so many emotions flying around right now, it seems more intense.
I'm wasting my days not doing uni work, and instead sitting here and waiting for him to come home. I can't think right now, I just want him to hold me.

Last week, whilst he was at work, I went to town, and bought 5 sets of new lingerie.
I don't know why, I feel like I need to be more attractive to him.

I have changed my mobile number so she can't contact me. He hasn't changed his because his network won't let him, but so far he has ignored anything she has text or called.

I spoke to her once since I found out, didn't say much, just told her to stay away from us, she said to me that I can't stop her from contacting Mike, or talking to him.
I don't know what is wrong with this girl. She does not seem to have any guilt.
I know that it would hurt her a bit if I told her parents, but by the way she's acting all high and mighty and that she has done no wrong at the moment, I doubt it will affect her much, her parents knowing.
The only reason I have not told them is to protect Mike, as her family are a typical bullying family. You're alright when you're on their good side.

Mike and I might be moving, about 200 odd miles away, due to a career opportunity for both of us. I might tell her parents then.
They won't know where we are, but it might get this weight off my chest, as I have not told my parents either. I need to tell someone. I need to see her in at least some distress.
It may sound selfish (Oh did mention she called me selfish too?), but no one she knows, knows. Apart from me obviously. I can't let her get away with not feeling guilty or ashamed, otherwise I'm carrying her guilt and shame for her.

We are going to stay with his parents for a week in a few days. His family have been so amazing and supportive of me. He has also booked us an expensive hotel for a couple nights, during Valentines.
I look forward to being away from here, from this flat in which it happened, because it's driving me crazy.

As I might have mentioned before... I live with my boyfriend of over a year... Mike.
We were perfect in my eyes, and most other peoples eyes. I always get complimented on how I've found someone so good to me. He looks after me, loves me more than I can bear, and is the perfect gentleman.
I guess it was all too good to be true, because he slept with someone.
In our flat.
I didn't even think twice about leaving him alone with another girl. Because I trusted him with anything.
This other girl was his cousin by the way.
She is a well known Man eater... or slag to be exact.
I liked her, I used to ignore the fact that she'd have 2 or 3 guys on the go. I used to ignore that she would wear next to nothing.

He fucked her whilst I was at work.
A week later he kissed her whilst I was at work.
And 2 sundays ago, he watched as she performed some sick show on webcam.
That's how I found out... because I was at work again whilst it happened, but he left the conversation window open.

He fucked her. a Month later she was homeless, and asked to move in. I said yes... he said yes.
I'm not sure if he wanted it on tap... but surely he wasn't guilty enough to keep us seperate.
He couldn't do anything whilst she was living with us, because I was home the whole time with Back pains.
I don't know if they would have.

He seems sorry.
But she sure isn't.. she called me 'spoilt' for being angry at them.
I think that I handled my emotions quite well.
I didn't ever shout at him. I spoke to him.
I didn't shout at her. I haven't told her parents. I haven't done anything to her, apart from told her I want her stuff out of my house asap.
I didn't even chuck her shit out.
I could have.
When she collected her stuff, we opened the door, and ignored her.
I think it was better than having a go at her.
We left her to it, as we stood in the kitchen.
She text him later saying that we were out of order...?
I have no idea what is going though this girls head.
She lived here for a month. We cooked for her. W charged her £250. She had her own room. And her own bathroom.
I think that's dirt cheap.
She doesn't seem to think so.
She called me tight, and that we sucked all the money out of her...
She has a full time job? It's not like she's living on buttons.
I only work part time, and go to uni, and still manage to pay £600 (my half) a month for rent a bills.
She's had an easy ride.
I hope Karma gets her.

I tried to make him realise he had hurt me... but ..well I guess forgiving him is better than chucking him out.

I didn't shout, I didn't lash out.. I haven't made hell of his life.

I feel empty.
It hurt me so much.
But I can't hurt them back.

This website is so confusing. it always takes me at least 5 minutes to find the link to start writing a god damn entry.
eheh
Anyway, I'm VERY pissed.
I wanted to see this band on the 1st september. and missed official sales.
So I was waiting on bay to bid on these tickets, and it suddenly dawned on me thats the weekend that the unofficial inlaws are staying. So I left it.
THEN I bloody find out that they are not coming anymore. So I missed the fooking tickets
ARGHH
And also. Hard Fi have sold out for a venue near me and are going for like 100 quid for 2 tickets on ebay!
Some fucker does not want me to go to gigs anymore.
Anyway. I am very short of money lately, so I'm doing loads of overtime at work.
Have slightly figured what I am gonna do for uni, so ok there. but not ok in the sense that I hav yet to start the friggin thing.

As you can see I'm in quite a foul mood, lol.

Mike is doing loads of over time too, so lately we are hardly seing each other. He works week days, I work some weekdays an all weekends, an lately the overtime I'm doing is evenings, so i start when he finishes, yada yada.
Sure the time we are together is not wasted at all wink wink but it does make us very tired. We certainly ain't ones for a quickie, almost everything in that sense is covered.
haha

we got marine fish tank recently. I didn't know that fish could be so interesting. we have all sorts of stuff like corals, cleaner shrimps, little clown (nemos) fish, clams, snails, hermit crabs, feather duster worms, goby... etc etc
Everything is interesting and entertaining in it's own little way.
=^_^=

anyway I really am scoffing on about nothing in particular now, so I#m done for today!
x

I have it. the old internet. gee I have missed thee.
But now I am on it, I just don't know what to do.
Looked at a couple sites, then sat staring into space for a while!! What the hell did I fill my hours up with doing on the net?!
I'm sure I'll find something soon enough.

Anyway.
Since taking fentykes advise. I cooled of. I can see there really isn't anything for me to worry about.
I don't know why I'm getting so jealous?!
I think maybe, I know I have got it good. And I'm looking for faults?

Things are great. Settling into our new flat nicely. Bit short on cash, but I'm happy, and that's what counts!
I have been reading alot lately. Was in tesco a couple weeks ago, and I usually breeze past the books aisle- not really one for reading more than magazines- unless on holiday.
But I noticed a book in the new section, called 'Confessions of a Working Girl'.
Seems interesting.
I read it in like one day, and friggin loved it.
It's about a girl who worked in a brothel part time, whle at uni. I've seen it mentioned somewhere (can't remember where) that every woman fantisises about being a working girl? Not sure this is entirely true, maybe womn that aren't so prude, but not every woman.
Yer, I'm one of these women. After reading this book, I bought a couple more books of similar nature, halfway through the third book.
In one of them it mentions that the woman is advertised through an escorts agency website.
I took a quick peek at a couple, and sure the pictures on a website for an agency in london are quite revealing, and the prices start from about £200 an hour. Even though this site did not outrightly say that they are sex workers, it did mention 'intimacy' and from the feedback from punters, it does sounds like it is sexual.
I'm no really clued up on this (should I be) but I find the books amazing, and I and very very curious about it.
I'm not sure if I'd go as far as being a bloody sex worker, but I'm just intrigued.
:-p

I'm meant to be doing uni work at the moment. but I am always sidetracked.
Have the unofficial inlaws coming down from wales in a couple of weeks. I love them to bits, and I can't wait to have them here.
Was about to bid on some gig tickets on ebay (I missed the official selling -.-) but then realised the gig is on when they are here. which sucked a bit. oh well, it saves me some cash I guess, I was about to bid £50 for 2 tickets! haha.
Looking to buy some tickets for a diff bank in sept now, not sold out yet, so can buy them at face value, no ridiculous prices on ebay!

Going to get some food now, and read some more of my book! ehe
x

I can't keep apologising for not updating.
But I do have a reason.
No friggin internet, ha.
I have moved into a flat with Mike.
It's gorgeous, It's wonderful.
We have not internet yet though.
BT are being pains in the asses.
Mike is in Scotland at the moment.
Staying at THAT familys house.
He didn't seem to understand why I'm upset over it. Obviously over the texts that were a bit out of line. He swears to me that he doesn't feel anything for anyone else and that I'm the one and only.
Geez I sound like such a bunny boiler, but you understand right?
I tried to put it plainly to him, I was like 'would you be upset if I was texting someone, and the texts, in your opinion, were a bit out of line. Then a few weeks later I went and stayed with this person?'
He was like 'I'd be concerned.... *trails off*'
Well then!
Anyway, I do love him more than anything, so it's not fazing me too much. I must to to move in with him and stuff.
I hope I get the internet soon, coz I need to start my uni work like NOW.
Gah.
xx

For bein so careless in not updating.
I mean- I really haven't had any time tomyself to be honest.
Today is the first time I've been alone.
I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing.

I should start from the beginning of May.
Mike went on holiday with his mates.
I knew I was going to miss him, but I didn't realise that it was gonna hit me hard.
Why do I set myself up for this ridiculous feeling.
Anyway, when he came back, we literally became joint at the hip.
At the time, I was pretty much like, 'I'm in fucking love, forget everything else'. ha.
Mike and his mates had made 'friends' with this scottish family on holiday. It was a Mum, 2 Daughters, and one of the daughters had a baby.
At first I wasn't really bothered when Mike and his mates talked about them, recounting the holiday.
They all had the familys number, so they text them too.
To be honest, at this time I don't really feel threatened by any girl with Mike. Because he seems to only have eyes for me.
Anyway, a couple weeks later, Mike and his mate arrange to go on a motorbike rde up to the scotland highlands or whatever. Fair enough. But it involved stopping at this familys house for a couple nights. Still doesn't bother me at this point.
UNTIL, the daughter, the one with the baby, she spoke to Mikes friend on the phone and said 'Would Mike's girlfriend allow mike to come if she knew you guys were staying with us?'
This girl does not know me. What has given her a reason to ask this question.
Anyway, after reasuring from mikes friend that she didn't mean anything by this, I cooled down.
Few days later, I noticed Mike was getting alot of texts from this girl, and (geez this is VERY bad of me) I looked at his phone and discovered some texts that were a tiny bit past the line.
I am not one to keep my mouth shut over things like this, so I told Mike how it is, and if he ever does it again I will beat his ass.
haha
Anyway, things got ok again.
I have been to belgium to get some cosmetic surgery, for something that bothers me.
Everyone always says to me that I don't need it, and I know that, but I wanted it so I fooking got it. It's always been a vunerability of mine.
The only people I told was Mike, my mother, and my brother.
My brother came with me for moral support.
I'm not gonna say what I got done, but what it is, is at this time, in no way noticable to other people, so it was really for my own piece of mind.
I did not tell anyone else apart from these people, because I got it for a vunerability, and I dont want people to know what my vunerability was and that I was maybe 'weak' enough to pay for surgery on it.

One of Mikes bestfriends had a baby recently, and we went to visit them. I know Mikes best friend (Dave) a bit well, and the mother of the baby (Amanda) is more of an aquantence.
We were at Amandas parents house yesterday. Suddenly Amandas MUM, who I have met once before, comes up to me and says 'So how are you feeling? How did the surgery go?'.

I was fucking livid.

How dare Mike tell anyone of this, especially when I specifically told him 'not to tell anyone especially not Dave'.
Mikes excuse was 'but dave is my best friend, i feel i can tell him anything'.
To be honest, it is not Mike's secret to tell, and I am FUMING that some random woman knows about it before I have even told my own Father.
The thought of random people knowing made me cry all friggin night, while I'm trying to push Mike away, he's saying sorry constantly, and that he does not want to loose me.

I don't know what to do, because in the time I've been with him, I fucking love him so much, and I was thinking that this is the best relationship I've ever experienced.
I don't want to leave him.
He is so nice, genuine, caring and loving. and I know he didn't intentionally do this to hurt me. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

We drove to meet his parents a couple weeks ago, and that weekend is was so amazing, his family were lovely, and they all really liked me.
And even a couple days ago we were looking at flats.

I just don't know what to do.

I really need to update more often... instead of spending my spare time watching Friends haha.
I have this freeview box, which records.. and I don't spend/have alot of time watching 'real time' tv, so when I got this recording freeview box for xmas, I found it pretty good.
But then the aerial gonig into my bedroom is like 100 years old, there was even a suspicious brown liquid coming from the cable, so I got that replaced when I had 100 quid (WTF?!) spare last month. Now I have a great picture and can record my fave shows (friends/scrubs) and watch them usually when I have nothing to do- to make me most of myself spending 100 on a friggin aerial, and the freeview boxd which was bought for me... i believe they are expensive too- well the ones in argos catalogue are.

I have also been spending whatever time I have/Mike has with Mike.
He works during the week, and I work on the weekends... so we don't really have much time together
But This week we are housesitting for a good friend of his- which is slighlty out into the country.
It's really nice- being out in the peace and quiet- and having peace and quiet from out families.

I'm having a bit of a financial mishap at the moment, because my ex lent me a couple grand to pay off my car. but the soliciter/'family friend' that was sorting that out- along with some of my parents moneys, ran off with the friggin money- he's going to court for it now. but the lawyer or whatever said it's more likely that he'll get community service than me ever seeing my money again.
So I paid my ex back that after he pestered me, which stinks, I should really charge him taxi rates for all of the 3 years that I drove him around, I'm sure that will amount to the money I owed him hehe

Anyway, me and mike are getting on really really well, I enjoy being around him, I'm not having any problems at all with him, and he treats me so well, I couldn't ask for anything better.

I cen't believe I don't have any other guys to talk about haha. I'm actually that content

x

I know. I should have written long ago, but ya know. I've been busy lazing around and all that.
Well more like moping.
And also having fun.
Me and Mike are getting on like a house on fire, been with him 3 months now I think?
He's into motorbikes and stuff, which is pretty hot haha, and before, I wouldn't even really look at a motorbike, but now I know quite a bit about them- the way he goes on and on about them haha.

I'm just gonna have a quick moan, because I have a hamster.
And I always shut my door all the time so my dog can't get to it.
and my dad goes in my room, for a reason unbeknownst to me, but he leaves my bloody door open and my dog kills it.
so sad
RIP little one.

My sexual life with Mike is... woah.
Isn't it usually, well I thought, after a guy orgasms, it takes about 15-30 mins before him to become, you know, hard again?
Well, that's what I've always experienced.
But with Mike, he can carry on right after... again and again and again etc etc is this weird, or is it normal?
I'm not sure, because I've had quite a few sexual partners, and none of them performed this way.
It's new to me, and very enjoyable! hehe

I'm also getting along fine without being attracted to his best mate any more. Well, obviously a little bit, but I'm a woman, who can blame me haha.
But yer, we all get on well, I like it.

I've been spending too much money lately. well this month. I've used my credit card alot... probably have about 600 pound bill coming through the door any day now :S hehe
lord help me.
Anddd I'm going shopping on saturday with Mike, his best mate... need to name him, err Jack, and Alex... to bluewater!
They have a Hello Kitty shop there.
Thats the only reason I really suggested going.
Hello Kitty, I love.

Anyway, I'm gonna go watch a DVD i bought, Eddie murphy, delirious. You must see it if you haven't, it's just come out, his stand up from 1983. It's DAMN funny, and only come out now because I think it was banned? but anyway, a MUST SEE!

x

Yeee, my internet is back.
It has been off for 2 weeks. TWO BLOODY WEEKS.
This is because BT are thieving tits, charging me 29.99 a month for 50gb limited download, 8mb speed internet, when sky offered me unlimited download and 16mb speed internet for a tenner.
BT had the cheek to say that i had a contract till July, and I said I didn't sign anything and told them to prove it, and they couldn't. moohaha.
Anyway, I'm back on the net noww, weeee.

I'm still with Mike, and it's going well.
Been seeing him alot lately, and he actually wants to see me too, unlike other bastards I've been dating.
Mike treats me well, always says the right things, care about how I'm feeling, and is so polite. just a massive sweetie!
I get on real well with his family, and his friends. I love it.
I hope this lasts, because it's great.

anyway... im doing homework at the moment. but will be posting soon.