http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/en-UKhttp://backend.userland.com/rss092http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/79/213aaff47c4e139e4f9732774e0410_160x200.jpg <p>He always moans that I don't act like I trust him. Well I must do slightly to still be with him, after he has betrayed me 4 times.</p> <p>Yesterday, I was thinking about the time, less than 10 months ago, I found out that he had slept with someone in our flat.<br> I think it's understandable that I still get upset about it.<br> I get upset about it about maybe once a week. Uusually, I generally just cry a bit, and wonder why he could do that and ask him why.<br> I don't shout, I just get upset.<br> I do't find this unreasonable.<br> But he thinks it is. I said to him that I will try stop doing it. but it's so hard. It's not even been a year.</p> <p>Yesterday, I got a bit upset, because I saw he added one of his ex's to his friends list on facebook. I asked him if he had done anything else since, or before that I don't know about.<br> He said he hadn't, and he said he doesn't understand why I don't trust him yet.</p> <p>I havent checked his facebook for 2 months. That shows some trust right?</p> <p>Well, later on, I thought I'd look to see if this ex gf has messaged him on facebook.<br> I have his password, since apparently he has nothing to hide, and he shouldnt.</p> <p>Well, turns out, on Monday and Tuesday (is thursday today), he messaged a woman with big tits on facebook stuff like: he thinks she has a nice body, and nice breasts, and she looks flexible, and he'd like her next to him with just underwear on so he can imagine her naked.</p> <p>.... didn't he say to me earlier that there isn't anything else he's done that I should know about? and why don't I trust him yet?</p> <p>I guess he's just proved my point. Yet again.</p> <p>I must mean jack shit to him. </p> <p>He's the only person in my life that has ever hurt me more than ANYONE. Even my worst enemy. I guess that must make him my worst enemy, or me- his, since he can do all of this to me. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/10/23/he-s-done-it-again-4917364/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/10/23/he-s-done-it-again-4917364/Thu, 23 Oct 2008 11:34:20 +0200 <p>As I mentioend in the previous post, I have applied for a couple jobs as a sex line operator.<br> One of the companies have gotten back to me, and it looks like this employment is going ahead so far!<br> I'm excited, and slighty nervous. I hope I get like a handbook on what to say and stuff.</p> <p>Now I just have to tell Mike.<br> I'm pretty sure he won't be too bothered. He knows I'm totally obsessed with reading books about call girls and stuff, I doubt he'd even be shocked if I told him I was gonna become a stripper.</p> <p>Anyway, my parents and one of my brothers and my dog are visiting me at the weekend, I'm so excited. Then my parents are going back, and my brother is staying for the week, then I'm driving him back when I go to visit friends the next weekend.<br> I cannae wait! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/08/20/this-is-my-sexy-voice-4611214/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/08/20/this-is-my-sexy-voice-4611214/Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:18:06 +0200 <p>I'm so bored at home, and living somewhere I do not know, that I am actually up to date with my housework!<br> I have run out of things to do!!!<br> All of Mikes uniforms for work are washed, all the dishes are washed, the house is totally clean.<br> This is ridiculous! My mother is shocked, because as a teenager living at home my room was a permanent disgrace. Look at me now :-o</p> <p>I have not heard anything from the sex line peoples. I hope I do, as it will be interesting to see what type of training you have to do, and the hours etc etc.<br> I bought another book about the sex trade the other day (I understand they are very popular at the moment since Bille Piper did the series on the call girl), and I read it in like 2 hours -.- I'm so freaking bored.<br> I also bought guitar hero for the DS, which arrive last week, and I have completed it already. I have nothing to dooooooo.</p> <p>I did have a quite large 'artistic block' after finishing uni, because I'm used to being told what to do- that now I have to make it up myself again.<br> But thankfully, forcing myself to draw through boredom has put me back on track.<br> Unfortunatly, I'm not the artist that can draw all day every day.<br> When I was younger, and thought the whole world was against me (haha) and stuff, I was able to draw loads, but now I have to literally force myself- but thankfully what I do produce through force is amazing stuff (I'm not modest).</p> <p>I don't leave the house much, unless we have company, or if I'm visiting someone, because all I leave the house to do is shop., and I'll end up spending lots of money- which we are short of a bit because I don't have a job- and there really is no point getting a proper physical one as you are not meant to work whilst taking a teaching course (that is why they give you a salary- because doing a placement teaching is basically a job isn't it). But that salary doesn't start until september. moaaan.<br> *twiddles thumbs*<br> K I have nothing else to moan about so I'm gonna go back to drawing.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/08/18/i-m-becoming-a-housewife-oh-god-4604299/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/08/18/i-m-becoming-a-housewife-oh-god-4604299/Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:45:55 +0200 <p>I haven't written for a while. but I think it's safe now!</p> <p>I have moved house- I am glad to get out of that [nice but] nightmare of a flat- and so far away from twat features!</p> <p>Mike has a new job, where we have moved to, and he is earning a bit more which is good- and I for the past 2 months, have been sitting on my arse, waiting for uni to start in september.<br> I love it.</p> <p>I have looked at several part time jobs, but they are all repetitive door to door sales, or same as before, telesales.<br> I have actually applied for a couple jobs today, as a sex line operator.<br> I reckon it would feed my need for being naughty.<br> I read endless books on hookers and strippers, and if I had the perfect body, I would jump at the chance of being a stripper or something.<br> I suppose the sex line job (if I get it) would fill in that need.</p> <p>I had soem friends visit over the weekend, which was great. I had such a good tiem and was terribly sad when they left. But we will be visiting them in a couple weeks, so I'm super excited about that.<br> They are a couple and it's nice to know another couple who we can both get on with.<br> Sadly, the female part is in the same situation as I, in terms of what Mike did to me, her other half did too, so we can relate on that, not that we should have had to!</p> <p>Anyway, I just heard Mike pull up outside, so I'm gonna dash now!!<br> Will post again soon <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/08/15/i-think-it-s-safe-now-4592867/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/08/15/i-think-it-s-safe-now-4592867/Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:18:40 +0200 <p>Things are looking up for me..<br> First I got a 2:1 in my dissertation! Whish is good for me! Since I churned out 10,000 words on completed shite and it actually made sense.<br> And also, I've been accepted onto a course at another uni to do a post graduate course.<br> I'm super excited about, that, and moving, and getting out of this shit hole and as far away from twat features as possible.<br> Although I will miss my family greatly, I need to do what I gotta do to have a good career.</p> <p>I'm having a problem at the moment with my current project at uni, I'm of no shortage of artists to help me. But I don't really know anyone that write.<br> Like writes stories, or opinions, or something. I just need someone that pops out written pieces like I pop out drawings. Does anyone actually do that?!<br> The problem also is I want it to be someone I know. I can't think of anyone right now. Which sucks. </p> <p>Me and mike are doing well at the moment. Looking forward to moving away.<br> I have handed in my notice at work, which I'm so excited to leave. It's so god damn boring.<br> I work in a call centre if I hadn't mentioned before. And with freedom of speech and all that, and it's not like I am gonna be working there for much longer, but the majority of people that call me are MISERABLE SODS.<br> Sitting next to the phone, and in front of the computer, just really make me feel like crap. It drains the life and soul out of me. Since working there, I can even admit myself that my artwork has gone to the shitters a couple of time.<br> There is no inspiration. I guess it's the place for a business/customer relations person, rather than a creative person.<br> I guess it hasn't been all that bad. There have been some amusing people that have called me. There is always someone to laugh at. I guess I couldn't do it forever. It pays well for a inbetween careers job or something.</p> <p>Anyway. I do have to dash to the post office!<br> x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/03/20/looking-up-3910316/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/03/20/looking-up-3910316/Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:04:54 +0100 <p>I have been neglecting my uni work so much lately. I am very behind, and I have an interview for another uni next wednesday. argghhhhh. I need to get my shit together, but it's so god damn hard to concentrate. And my back hurts. It's such a fucking pain I feel like an old woman. It only hurts when I sit down in front of computer. And it doesn't help that my job is a desk job either.<br> All the doctor could give me is a fucking sausage pillow back support. But that doesn't seem to do shit either.<br> So I end up going to lie down for a bit, or stand up. And then don't do any work. It's a vicious circle.<br> I need to concentrate, but I can't.<br> I wish there was some sort of pill or something that can help one get in the frame of mind to do shit loads of work haha, any suggestions? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/28/swamped-3792588/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/28/swamped-3792588/Thu, 28 Feb 2008 13:38:27 +0100 <p>I'm feeling good today. Although it has been so boring at work with loads of people bending my ear on the phone, I've been ok.<br> I'm feeling quite tired today because of work. It's so boring and hot, then I go out for a fag and it's frickin freezing- why I put myself through that I do not know.<br> I tried calling Mike on my lunch break today, and he wasn't picking up, I guess I did panic a bit. It did cross my mind that he may be doing other things. But that's to be expected right.<br> He called me back a minute later though, he was washing up.<br> ...<br> Mike bought me a bracelet. It's the first time he has 'bought' me something more than flower or something small. I love it. It also means a hell of alot to me, because he was thinking of me. And I didn't even know h bought it.<br> It seems that I thought he wouldn't beable to do something like that. He managed to hide it until the last day of our week away. He bought it a month ago and I didn't even notice he had.<br> I don't know why I find it odd, I mean maybe because I thought I knew about everything he does. Now I know I don't, really.<br> I enjoyed it because it was a surprise, and something I never expected from him. </p> <p>Mike is asleep on the sofa at the moment.<br> We had amazing sex earlier. It was impulsive, explosive, I felt close to him.<br> It's the first time I haven't thought about 'them' during the act.<br> I guess that's a good sign?<br> And then we watched that Ice road truckers show, which is quite good.</p> <p>Look at me. Mike this Mike that, I'm just blabbing now...<br> It's late, I better put the sod to bed now.<br> goodnight </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/24/better~3775456/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/24/better~3775456/Sun, 24 Feb 2008 22:37:14 +0100 <p>Mike and I went away for a week. It was nice, although the last night there I kinda freaked out. I knew we were coming back.<br> It was nice to be away from this place. Away from reminders, and as far away from her and her family as possible.</p> <p>We had dinner out every night at restaurants, we went shopping, he treated me really well.</p> <p>The last night, I don't know why, but I got really upset. I cried so much, which made him cry. I guess I wanted to come back home, I was homesick, but then again I didn't want to come back here.</p> <p>It's been nice, being together for a whole week. with no work. As I have mentioned in a previous entry, we never get a fill day together, because we both work, him during the week, and me on the weekends- whilst at uni in the week.</p> <p>I'm just about to go grocery shopping, haha, we have no food, so I will probably post later or tomorrow.</p> <p>x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/20/a_week_away~3754946/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/20/a_week_away~3754946/Wed, 20 Feb 2008 12:59:38 +0100 <p>He deleted her from his facebook.<br> Obviously, He shouldn't contact her.<br> She sent him a friend request yesterday.<br> This is how facebook is used to play mind-games, the twisted bitch.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/10/who_d_use_facebook_to_play_mind_games~3705388/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/10/who_d_use_facebook_to_play_mind_games~3705388/Sun, 10 Feb 2008 09:48:58 +0100 <p>The way he held me, the way he kissed my head, the way he gently kissed my lips, it made me feel alive, amazing.</p> <p>We made love. We made dinner together. Then we made love again.</p> <p>It's been a perfect evening. I feel happy. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/08/amazing~3695740/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/08/amazing~3695740/Fri, 08 Feb 2008 00:10:08 +0100 <p>Is there such thing as having too much sex with the person you love?<br> Let's say, once or twice a day. Is that too much?<br> Would you say that it can become boring if you have it once or twice a day for 2 weeks? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/06/is_sex_boring~3690398/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/06/is_sex_boring~3690398/Wed, 06 Feb 2008 22:36:02 +0100 <p>Since I found out my boyfriend has cheated on me, every day is going so fast.<br> It's like a blur.</p> <p>I do get upset every day. And it upsets me more because the person I would usually seek comfort in when I'm upset, is the one who upset me.<br> The person I need the most has betrayed me.</p> <p>We have made love so much more than before I found out. I guess it's just so many emotions flying around right now, it seems more intense.<br> I'm wasting my days not doing uni work, and instead sitting here and waiting for him to come home. I can't think right now, I just want him to hold me.</p> <p>Last week, whilst he was at work, I went to town, and bought 5 sets of new lingerie.<br> I don't know why, I feel like I need to be more attractive to him.</p> <p>I have changed my mobile number so she can't contact me. He hasn't changed his because his network won't let him, but so far he has ignored anything she has text or called.</p> <p>I spoke to her once since I found out, didn't say much, just told her to stay away from us, she said to me that I can't stop her from contacting Mike, or talking to him.<br> I don't know what is wrong with this girl. She does not seem to have any guilt.<br> I know that it would hurt her a bit if I told her parents, but by the way she's acting all high and mighty and that she has done no wrong at the moment, I doubt it will affect her much, her parents knowing.<br> The only reason I have not told them is to protect Mike, as her family are a typical bullying family. You're alright when you're on their good side.</p> <p>Mike and I might be moving, about 200 odd miles away, due to a career opportunity for both of us. I might tell her parents then.<br> They won't know where we are, but it might get this weight off my chest, as I have not told my parents either. I need to tell someone. I need to see her in at least some distress.<br> It may sound selfish (Oh did mention she called me selfish too?), but no one she knows, knows. Apart from me obviously. I can't let her get away with not feeling guilty or ashamed, otherwise I'm carrying her guilt and shame for her.</p> <p>We are going to stay with his parents for a week in a few days. His family have been so amazing and supportive of me. He has also booked us an expensive hotel for a couple nights, during Valentines.<br> I look forward to being away from here, from this flat in which it happened, because it's driving me crazy. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/06/the_days_are_going_so_fast~3687092/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/06/the_days_are_going_so_fast~3687092/Wed, 06 Feb 2008 11:14:40 +0100 <p>As I might have mentioned before... I live with my boyfriend of over a year... Mike.<br> We were perfect in my eyes, and most other peoples eyes. I always get complimented on how I've found someone so good to me. He looks after me, loves me more than I can bear, and is the perfect gentleman.<br> I guess it was all too good to be true, because he slept with someone.<br> In our flat.<br> I didn't even think twice about leaving him alone with another girl. Because I trusted him with anything.<br> This other girl was his cousin by the way.<br> She is a well known Man eater... or slag to be exact.<br> I liked her, I used to ignore the fact that she'd have 2 or 3 guys on the go. I used to ignore that she would wear next to nothing.</p> <p>He fucked her whilst I was at work.<br> A week later he kissed her whilst I was at work.<br> And 2 sundays ago, he watched as she performed some sick show on webcam.<br> That's how I found out... because I was at work again whilst it happened, but he left the conversation window open.</p> <p>He fucked her. a Month later she was homeless, and asked to move in. I said yes... he said yes.<br> I'm not sure if he wanted it on tap... but surely he wasn't guilty enough to keep us seperate.<br> He couldn't do anything whilst she was living with us, because I was home the whole time with Back pains.<br> I don't know if they would have.</p> <p>He seems sorry.<br> But she sure isn't.. she called me 'spoilt' for being angry at them.<br> I think that I handled my emotions quite well.<br> I didn't ever shout at him. I spoke to him.<br> I didn't shout at her. I haven't told her parents. I haven't done anything to her, apart from told her I want her stuff out of my house asap.<br> I didn't even chuck her shit out.<br> I could have.<br> When she collected her stuff, we opened the door, and ignored her.<br> I think it was better than having a go at her.<br> We left her to it, as we stood in the kitchen.<br> She text him later saying that we were out of order...?<br> I have no idea what is going though this girls head.<br> She lived here for a month. We cooked for her. W charged her £250. She had her own room. And her own bathroom.<br> I think that's dirt cheap.<br> She doesn't seem to think so.<br> She called me tight, and that we sucked all the money out of her...<br> She has a full time job? It's not like she's living on buttons.<br> I only work part time, and go to uni, and still manage to pay £600 (my half) a month for rent a bills.<br> She's had an easy ride.<br> I hope Karma gets her.</p> <p>I tried to make him realise he had hurt me... but ..well I guess forgiving him is better than chucking him out.</p> <p>I didn't shout, I didn't lash out.. I haven't made hell of his life.</p> <p>I feel empty.<br> It hurt me so much.<br> But I can't hurt them back.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/04/how_could_an_angel_break_my_heart~3678221/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2008/02/04/how_could_an_angel_break_my_heart~3678221/Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:35:22 +0100 <p>This website is so confusing. it always takes me at least 5 minutes to find the link to start writing a god damn entry.<br> eheh<br> Anyway, I'm VERY pissed.<br> I wanted to see this band on the 1st september. and missed official sales.<br> So I was waiting on bay to bid on these tickets, and it suddenly dawned on me thats the weekend that the unofficial inlaws are staying. So I left it.<br> THEN I bloody find out that they are not coming anymore. So I missed the fooking tickets<br> ARGHH<br> And also. Hard Fi have sold out for a venue near me and are going for like 100 quid for 2 tickets on ebay!<br> Some fucker does not want me to go to gigs anymore.<br> Anyway. I am very short of money lately, so I'm doing loads of overtime at work.<br> Have slightly figured what I am gonna do for uni, so ok there. but not ok in the sense that I hav yet to start the friggin thing.</p> <p>As you can see I'm in quite a foul mood, lol.</p> <p>Mike is doing loads of over time too, so lately we are hardly seing each other. He works week days, I work some weekdays an all weekends, an lately the overtime I'm doing is evenings, so i start when he finishes, yada yada.<br> Sure the time we are together is not wasted at all <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> wink wink but it does make us very tired. We certainly ain't ones for a quickie, almost everything in that sense is covered.<br> haha</p> <p>we got marine fish tank recently. I didn't know that fish could be so interesting. we have all sorts of stuff like corals, cleaner shrimps, little clown (nemos) fish, clams, snails, hermit crabs, feather duster worms, goby... etc etc<br> Everything is interesting and entertaining in it's own little way.<br> =^_^=</p> <p>anyway I really am scoffing on about nothing in particular now, so I#m done for today!<br> x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/08/22/busy_yadda_yadda~2849975/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/08/22/busy_yadda_yadda~2849975/Wed, 22 Aug 2007 11:25:12 +0200 <p>I have it. the old internet. gee I have missed thee.<br> But now I am on it, I just don't know what to do.<br> Looked at a couple sites, then sat staring into space for a while!! What the hell did I fill my hours up with doing on the net?!<br> I'm sure I'll find something soon enough.</p> <p>Anyway.<br> Since taking fentykes advise. I cooled of. I can see there really isn't anything for me to worry about.<br> I don't know why I'm getting so jealous?!<br> I think maybe, I know I have got it good. And I'm looking for faults?</p> <p>Things are great. Settling into our new flat nicely. Bit short on cash, but I'm happy, and that's what counts!<br> I have been reading alot lately. Was in tesco a couple weeks ago, and I usually breeze past the books aisle- not really one for reading more than magazines- unless on holiday.<br> But I noticed a book in the new section, called 'Confessions of a Working Girl'.<br> Seems interesting.<br> I read it in like one day, and friggin loved it.<br> It's about a girl who worked in a brothel part time, whle at uni. I've seen it mentioned somewhere (can't remember where) that every woman fantisises about being a working girl? Not sure this is entirely true, maybe womn that aren't so prude, but not every woman.<br> Yer, I'm one of these women. After reading this book, I bought a couple more books of similar nature, halfway through the third book.<br> In one of them it mentions that the woman is advertised through an escorts agency website.<br> I took a quick peek at a couple, and sure the pictures on a website for an agency in london are quite revealing, and the prices start from about £200 an hour. Even though this site did not outrightly say that they are sex workers, it did mention 'intimacy' and from the feedback from punters, it does sounds like it is sexual.<br> I'm no really clued up on this (should I be) but I find the books amazing, and I and very very curious about it.<br> I'm not sure if I'd go as far as being a bloody sex worker, but I'm just intrigued.<br> :-p</p> <p>I'm meant to be doing uni work at the moment. but I am always sidetracked.<br> Have the unofficial inlaws coming down from wales in a couple of weeks. I love them to bits, and I can't wait to have them here.<br> Was about to bid on some gig tickets on ebay (I missed the official selling -.-) but then realised the gig is on when they are here. which sucked a bit. oh well, it saves me some cash I guess, I was about to bid £50 for 2 tickets! haha.<br> Looking to buy some tickets for a diff bank in sept now, not sold out yet, so can buy them at face value, no ridiculous prices on ebay!</p> <p>Going to get some food now, and read some more of my book! ehe<br> x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/08/13/tinternet~2800755/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/08/13/tinternet~2800755/Mon, 13 Aug 2007 14:01:59 +0200 <p>I can't keep apologising for not updating.<br> But I do have a reason.<br> No friggin internet, ha.<br> I have moved into a flat with Mike.<br> It's gorgeous, It's wonderful.<br> We have not internet yet though.<br> BT are being pains in the asses.<br> Mike is in Scotland at the moment.<br> Staying at THAT familys house.<br> He didn't seem to understand why I'm upset over it. Obviously over the texts that were a bit out of line. He swears to me that he doesn't feel anything for anyone else and that I'm the one and only.<br> Geez I sound like such a bunny boiler, but you understand right?<br> I tried to put it plainly to him, I was like 'would you be upset if I was texting someone, and the texts, in your opinion, were a bit out of line. Then a few weeks later I went and stayed with this person?'<br> He was like 'I'd be concerned.... *trails off*'<br> Well then!<br> Anyway, I do love him more than anything, so it's not fazing me too much. I must to to move in with him and stuff.<br> I hope I get the internet soon, coz I need to start my uni work like NOW.<br> Gah.<br> xx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/07/19/new_start~2664225/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/07/19/new_start~2664225/Thu, 19 Jul 2007 15:08:42 +0200 <p>For bein so careless in not updating.<br> I mean- I really haven't had any time tomyself to be honest.<br> Today is the first time I've been alone.<br> I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing.</p> <p>I should start from the beginning of May.<br> Mike went on holiday with his mates.<br> I knew I was going to miss him, but I didn't realise that it was gonna hit me hard.<br> Why do I set myself up for this ridiculous feeling.<br> Anyway, when he came back, we literally became joint at the hip.<br> At the time, I was pretty much like, 'I'm in fucking love, forget everything else'. ha.<br> Mike and his mates had made 'friends' with this scottish family on holiday. It was a Mum, 2 Daughters, and one of the daughters had a baby.<br> At first I wasn't really bothered when Mike and his mates talked about them, recounting the holiday.<br> They all had the familys number, so they text them too.<br> To be honest, at this time I don't really feel threatened by any girl with Mike. Because he seems to only have eyes for me.<br> Anyway, a couple weeks later, Mike and his mate arrange to go on a motorbike rde up to the scotland highlands or whatever. Fair enough. But it involved stopping at this familys house for a couple nights. Still doesn't bother me at this point.<br> UNTIL, the daughter, the one with the baby, she spoke to Mikes friend on the phone and said 'Would Mike's girlfriend allow mike to come if she knew you guys were staying with us?'<br> This girl does not know me. What has given her a reason to ask this question.<br> Anyway, after reasuring from mikes friend that she didn't mean anything by this, I cooled down.<br> Few days later, I noticed Mike was getting alot of texts from this girl, and (geez this is VERY bad of me) I looked at his phone and discovered some texts that were a tiny bit past the line.<br> I am not one to keep my mouth shut over things like this, so I told Mike how it is, and if he ever does it again I will beat his ass.<br> haha<br> Anyway, things got ok again.<br> I have been to belgium to get some cosmetic surgery, for something that bothers me.<br> Everyone always says to me that I don't need it, and I know that, but I wanted it so I fooking got it. It's always been a vunerability of mine.<br> The only people I told was Mike, my mother, and my brother.<br> My brother came with me for moral support.<br> I'm not gonna say what I got done, but what it is, is at this time, in no way noticable to other people, so it was really for my own piece of mind.<br> I did not tell anyone else apart from these people, because I got it for a vunerability, and I dont want people to know what my vunerability was and that I was maybe 'weak' enough to pay for surgery on it.</p> <p>One of Mikes bestfriends had a baby recently, and we went to visit them. I know Mikes best friend (Dave) a bit well, and the mother of the baby (Amanda) is more of an aquantence.<br> We were at Amandas parents house yesterday. Suddenly Amandas MUM, who I have met once before, comes up to me and says 'So how are you feeling? How did the surgery go?'.</p> <p>I was fucking livid.</p> <p>How dare Mike tell anyone of this, especially when I specifically told him 'not to tell anyone especially not Dave'.<br> Mikes excuse was 'but dave is my best friend, i feel i can tell him anything'.<br> To be honest, it is not Mike's secret to tell, and I am FUMING that some random woman knows about it before I have even told my own Father.<br> The thought of random people knowing made me cry all friggin night, while I'm trying to push Mike away, he's saying sorry constantly, and that he does not want to loose me.</p> <p>I don't know what to do, because in the time I've been with him, I fucking love him so much, and I was thinking that this is the best relationship I've ever experienced.<br> I don't want to leave him.<br> He is so nice, genuine, caring and loving. and I know he didn't intentionally do this to hurt me. He wouldn't hurt a fly.</p> <p>We drove to meet his parents a couple weeks ago, and that weekend is was so amazing, his family were lovely, and they all really liked me.<br> And even a couple days ago we were looking at flats.</p> <p>I just don't know what to do. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/06/14/i_must_slap_myself~2452427/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/06/14/i_must_slap_myself~2452427/Thu, 14 Jun 2007 16:34:17 +0200 <p>I really need to update more often... instead of spending my spare time watching Friends haha.<br> I have this freeview box, which records.. and I don't spend/have alot of time watching 'real time' tv, so when I got this recording freeview box for xmas, I found it pretty good.<br> But then the aerial gonig into my bedroom is like 100 years old, there was even a suspicious brown liquid coming from the cable, so I got that replaced when I had 100 quid (WTF?!) spare last month. Now I have a great picture and can record my fave shows (friends/scrubs) and watch them usually when I have nothing to do- to make me most of myself spending 100 on a friggin aerial, and the freeview boxd which was bought for me... i believe they are expensive too- well the ones in argos catalogue are.</p> <p>I have also been spending whatever time I have/Mike has with Mike.<br> He works during the week, and I work on the weekends... so we don't really have much time together <img src="/img/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" class="middle" border="0"><br> But This week we are housesitting for a good friend of his- which is slighlty out into the country.<br> It's really nice- being out in the peace and quiet- and having peace and quiet from out families.</p> <p>I'm having a bit of a financial mishap at the moment, because my ex lent me a couple grand to pay off my car. but the soliciter/'family friend' that was sorting that out- along with some of my parents moneys, ran off with the friggin money- he's going to court for it now. but the lawyer or whatever said it's more likely that he'll get community service than me ever seeing my money again.<br> So I paid my ex back that after he pestered me, which stinks, I should really charge him taxi rates for all of the 3 years that I drove him around, I'm sure that will amount to the money I owed him <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> hehe</p> <p>Anyway, me and mike are getting on really really well, I enjoy being around him, I'm not having any problems at all with him, and he treats me so well, I couldn't ask for anything better. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>I cen't believe I don't have any other guys to talk about haha. I'm actually that content <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/04/17/bad_me~2107875/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/04/17/bad_me~2107875/Tue, 17 Apr 2007 13:09:56 +0200 <p>I know. I should have written long ago, but ya know. I've been busy lazing around and all that.<br> Well more like moping.<br> And also having fun.<br> Me and Mike are getting on like a house on fire, been with him 3 months now I think?<br> He's into motorbikes and stuff, which is pretty hot haha, and before, I wouldn't even really look at a motorbike, but now I know quite a bit about them- the way he goes on and on about them haha.</p> <p>I'm just gonna have a quick moan, because I have a hamster.<br> And I always shut my door all the time so my dog can't get to it.<br> and my dad goes in my room, for a reason unbeknownst to me, but he leaves my bloody door open and my dog kills it.<br> so sad <img src="/img/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" class="middle" border="0"><br> RIP little one.</p> <p>My sexual life with Mike is... woah.<br> Isn't it usually, well I thought, after a guy orgasms, it takes about 15-30 mins before him to become, you know, hard again?<br> Well, that's what I've always experienced.<br> But with Mike, he can carry on right after... again and again and again etc etc is this weird, or is it normal?<br> I'm not sure, because I've had quite a few sexual partners, and none of them performed this way.<br> It's new to me, and very enjoyable! hehe</p> <p>I'm also getting along fine without being attracted to his best mate any more. Well, obviously a little bit, but I'm a woman, who can blame me haha.<br> But yer, we all get on well, I like it.</p> <p>I've been spending too much money lately. well this month. I've used my credit card alot... probably have about 600 pound bill coming through the door any day now :S hehe<br> lord help me.<br> Anddd I'm going shopping on saturday with Mike, his best mate... need to name him, err Jack, and Alex... to bluewater!<br> They have a Hello Kitty shop there.<br> Thats the only reason I really suggested going.<br> Hello Kitty, I love.</p> <p>Anyway, I'm gonna go watch a DVD i bought, Eddie murphy, delirious. You must see it if you haven't, it's just come out, his stand up from 1983. It's DAMN funny, and only come out now because I think it was banned? but anyway, a MUST SEE!</p> <p>x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/03/27/yer_yer~1988566/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/03/27/yer_yer~1988566/Tue, 27 Mar 2007 23:52:36 +0200 <p>Yeee, my internet is back.<br> It has been off for 2 weeks. TWO BLOODY WEEKS.<br> This is because BT are thieving tits, charging me 29.99 a month for 50gb limited download, 8mb speed internet, when sky offered me unlimited download and 16mb speed internet for a tenner.<br> BT had the cheek to say that i had a contract till July, and I said I didn't sign anything and told them to prove it, and they couldn't. moohaha.<br> Anyway, I'm back on the net noww, weeee.</p> <p>I'm still with Mike, and it's going well.<br> Been seeing him alot lately, and he actually wants to see me too, unlike other bastards I've been dating.<br> Mike treats me well, always says the right things, care about how I'm feeling, and is so polite. just a massive sweetie!<br> I get on real well with his family, and his friends. I love it.<br> I hope this lasts, because it's great.</p> <p>anyway... im doing homework at the moment. but will be posting soon.<br> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/03/08/woop_woop~1869771/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/03/08/woop_woop~1869771/Thu, 08 Mar 2007 17:24:37 +0100 <p>I've been sitting ehre all day, *trying* to do my uni work. I'm finding it so hard to concentrate right now... and I keep getting these emails from my lecturers remind me of deadlines yadda yadda, and it's just making me even worse in not being able to do my work.<br> The more they tell me that it's 'due' soon, the more I stare into space.<br> I spent the evening and night with Mike last night.<br> It was nice, he came round mine, we had dinner, and we watch TV for a while. We went to bed around 11pm... and ya know... did stuff.<br> He has to go to work at 6am, so I said I'd give him a lift home at 4:30 if he gave me some petrol money and made me a cup of tea. :-p<br> I then came back home and slept until 11.58am :S I'm ashamed of myself!<br> That is all I've done really the last couple days...</p> <p>I've been thinking, if any of the people who I feature in my blog actually read it, I'm pretty sure they'd hate me.<br> Because I'm sure to all these guys I seem pretty innocent, and it may seem that I'm only dating them.<br> I'm trying to keep my identity partially hidden because of this.<br> Am I really a bad person?</p> <p>The work I'm having trouble with at uni at the moment is my final major project.<br> I keep changing my mind about what I want to do, and I really need to make my mind up quick!<br> I would like to maybe do something on the whole blogging thing, and maybe on how I'm being quite truthful on here...<br> I had a blog on livejournal, but because a few people I know in real life are on my 'friends list' on livejournal, I decided to open up this one on here, annonymously (sp?).<br> I could not really say much on the other blog, apart from nice things, I did not feel I could actually speak my mind- but here I can.<br> I'm quite happy about the comments I'm getting also- as I don't really wanna be talking to myself! haha, but I really appreciate the fact that some people actually read some of the gumf I churn out! AND have something to say about it.</p> <p>Although it would be pretty cool to my project on blogging yadda yadda, I would need ALOT of research to back up whatever I would finish with- and on my initial search on google, there isn't too much I can research on really- in the area of possible 'split personality' blogs (blog tailored to the reader/friends list)... etc.</p> <p>If anyone could give me any ideas at all of how I can broaden this project research (Ideally, the finished product would be a piece of text on a poster, or a photo, or something similar, something arty!!), it would be much appreicated.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/02/22/i_have_an_empty_head~1786471/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/02/22/i_have_an_empty_head~1786471/Thu, 22 Feb 2007 17:27:23 +0100 <p>So, Mike and I have been 'officially' together since I came back from egypt.<br> But he likes to say before that because we texted each other non stop... and yer, he didn't know I was kinda 'test' dating everyone... was I.<br> Anyway. I'm having a great time with him. We spent the day together last thursday... we had lunch, we decided on a whim to get piercings. I got my tongue done, and he got his lip done.<br> It looks cute on him.<br> I have a fucking lisp. But don't worry, now for long, as I get a shorter bar put in on tuesday.<br> But he says the lisp is cute.<br> I suppose we are like two peas in a pod.<br> I spent the day with him today... I had the day off sick because ... well... I'm sick.<br> He asked me to come round for dinner, and also he said he'd pamper me.<br> Which he did.<br> This evening though, we were lying in bed, and he told me he's falling in love with me.<br> I said I feel the same.<br> I think it was a kind of 'momentttt' thing. because I know that it's far too early, and ridiculous. I'm not falling in love. I'm just friggin happy.<br> I don't know why I lied. It just felt right.<br> But I HATE it when people say they are in love like 1 week after meeting someone, although I've known Mike a while, I'm just totally exaggerating... but yes, I've turned into one of these fucking people, I need to slap myself in the face or something.<br> I feel kinda bad too.<br> Because we were watching Eddie Murphy 'Raw', and in this Eddie mentions something like 'men, imagine your gf sleeping with ur best friend...'<br> heh....<br> Well, thing is, I did meet Mike through his best friend. and before I even met Mike, I had slept with this guy.... and I met Mike a couple days after.<br> Oh my life.<br> Good thing I don't actually wanna BE with his friend, or anything.</p> <p>In other news... my ex is going to China?! with his best mate in March.<br> I think this is a pretty odd place to choose to go for a holiday... with ur mate. Like I'd totally get it if he went to spain, ibiza... yadda yadda...<br> but China?!<br> There's nothing bad about the place... it's just such an odd choice for 2 mates looking for a sunny, fun, week holiday.<br> He asked me for a ring he bought me back. So he can pay for his holiday.<br> He hasn't had a job for about 9 months...<br> He's not even signed himself up.<br> Why? Because he's lazy.<br> He tells me every day he's looking for a job. and when I ask how, he says 'on the net...'<br> Thats not gona get him anywhere.<br> I applied for his last 2 jobs for him. The first, was a pizza maker. Who was the manager? His brother in law. My ex was too lazy/scared toe ven ask his OWN brother in law for a job. So I had to fucking ask him.<br> He then left this job, for another job I filled out the application for for him. His excuse 'my writing is too sloppy'.<br> He packed that in also.<br> Since then, he hasn't had a job.<br> He sits at home all day.<br> Me threatening to leave him didn't make him look for a job.<br> Me actually leaving him didn't make him get a job.<br> And now he wants to sell a ring he bought me so he can pay for a stupid holiday.<br> The holiday is £200.<br> Shows how hard up he is.<br> Get a fucking job.</p> <p>Sorry for that rant. I'm just so pissed off because for 4 of those jobless months of his, I went to uni full time AND worked three 8 hour days a week.<br> What really made me lose my fucking nerve with him is he'd sit at home all day... being bored, and when I get home he'd flap around me to entertain his boredom, when I really wanted to just chill out after uni/work.</p> <p>Well I'm glad I'm rid now.</p> <p>And I now have someone who has a job haha.</p> <p>x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/02/19/love~1764432/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/02/19/love~1764432/Mon, 19 Feb 2007 01:12:52 +0100 <p>I'm gonna have a rant about things that are annoying me right now.</p> <p>One, I hate people who are TOO arty.<br> This is most commonly found in art students.<br> They seem to live, breathe and wear art. For example, they draw/paint on every item of clothing they own, or on their own bodies, their makeup is ridiculous and big, their hair is cut at angles - usually cut by themselves, their msn names are some weird quote, their myspace is vague and usually modernist, they speak some weird lingo and make up their own words, their myspace photos are at weird angles... of with a night light, or in black and white...and they only socialize with similar people, although they try to out do each other- they call themselves unique.<br> This really piss me off.</p> <p>Also, I hate it when people date each other for like 1-2 weeks, and already declare their love for one another, move in together, get engaged, yadda yadda. For fucks sake.<br> This guy I met briefly in a bar, he was pretty interested, and he was single... about 1.5 month ago, well he's just posted on his myspace that he's moved in with his gf, and his myspace is covered in photos of her.<br> What the fuck!?</p> <p>There we go there is my rant. sorry if you are an arty person or you moved in with ur partner after 2 weeks and this offended you, but it's my view, whatever makes you happy, innit.</p> <p>x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/02/13/rant~1733419/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/02/13/rant~1733419/Tue, 13 Feb 2007 14:13:31 +0100 <p>I've been back from holiday for 4 days, and I'm freezing my ass off!<br> Only had one day 'off' after the holiday. as I got into England approx midnight weds/thurs, had thursday off- in which I spent unpacking, tidying my room, and visiting Mike <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> then I had work, fri, sat and sun.</p> <p>My holiday to Egypt was excellent. Finally, I found a place where all the men worship me! haha joking, although they were all pretty much all over me, it was flattering, but a bit creepy also.<br> It helped me haggle shop keepers down alot though, on fake designer bags haha, I bought 9 bags in total... geez<br> The Ancient egyptian temples and tombs were beautiful, I'd love to post pictures on here, but I think it might be a bit inappropriate as I talk so much about other people on here, I don't really wanna obviously state who I am, I'm sure you understand right <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"><br> There were quite a few hotties in Egypt, but as I spent the whole time texting Mike while I was there, I just couldn't keep my mind off of him. My phone bill is ridiculous.<br> Even my tour guide wanted something, he was alright looking. but I totally wasn't interested in anyone. </p> <p>I've seen Mike every day since being back. apart from yesterday, as I finished work at 8, and was sooo tired and ill.<br> I enjoy spending time with him, he's funny, and he treats me well... but I'm not really sure if this might be rebound... as I haven't had a proper relationship since my ex, and since my ex treated me like a pile of shit, I've found someone who treats me like a princess, and grabbing him with both hands.<br> Could it be that I only want him because of this, or do I actually like him? I can't tell right now.<br> I feel really bad because of this, but I'm not going into a full blown relationship with him, and I haven't even gone past 'first base' (haha teenage language) with him yet, not tht I haven't wanted to, but he's never had protection, and maybe that has been a good thing- to stop us rushing into anything.</p> <p>I also have a bit of a dilema. a guy I used to kinda live with, in a student house, in my first year, is coming to visit me on the 23rd, and we are going out clubbing, then he is kipping at mine. Well I agreed to this BEFORE I met Mike.<br> And old housemate guy knows that he is only coming down because he has been chasing me ever since I was with my ex, and now I'm single.<br> Old housemate guy is moving abroad at the end of the month, and wanted to come 'say goodbye'<br> haha.<br> Well, I dunno... dilema!</p> <p>I was chatting with a girl at work yesterday, and we decided that if a guy chases a girl, he's interested, but then if the girl starts to show interest back, the guy becomes uninterested... most of the time. Well I mean, it's happened to alot of people I know.<br> Why the hell does it have to be this way?!!? At least Mike hasn't shown uninterest yet, but I think I might lay off of texting him back all the time, and wanting to meet up with him, to make him chase me more haha.<br> Am I a bitch? or is what I suggest ok?</p> <p>x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/02/12/cold_and_ill~1726049/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/02/12/cold_and_ill~1726049/Mon, 12 Feb 2007 12:08:54 +0100 <p>I'm off to friggin Egypt tomorrow!<br> 5* cruise along the nile. 250 quid, all inclusive. Aviit.</p> <p>Saw Mike a couple times since my last post. Have had a good time with him. He's a real sweetie, and I enjoy the attention he gives me.<br> We went out for dinner on Saturday night, was a costly dinner!<br> And then we met up wih a couple of people we know down at club on the beach.<br> Couldn't take my eyes off him all night <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"><br> We walked home afterwards, and I let him stay at mine, we got home at 4am, and he had work at 6... so I felt a bit mean to make him go home.<br> We didn't do anything, and he didn't try anything on... but I know he wanted to, but he's just the sweetest person every , and only wants to do what I wanna do.<br> I guess this could annoy me if this was kept up for a long time, but I dunno, let's see how it goes. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Anyway, I'm off to bed to prepare myself for a nice relaxing cruise haha, </p> <p>x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/30/holidayyy~1653970/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/30/holidayyy~1653970/Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:41:19 +0100 <p>It's 1am... and do you know what. I'm FUKD.<br> Haha, I just noticed that on the tool bar for writing this blog, the bold/italic letter options spell 'F U K D'<br> Sorry, just found it amusing at this very inappropriate time.</p> <p>My dissertation is due in tomorrow.<br> I still have 1500 words left to write.<br> It is 1am.<br> My brain has turned into complete mush.<br> How much does the university think someone can write on one fucking subject.<br> I want to sleep <img src="/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif" alt=":'(" class="middle" border="0">.<br> Fred posted an entry on his blog (luckily - maybe, or unluckily, he does not know I have this blog).<br> His entry says that his housemate described him as a bike, and that she tells people she's had it for years and would they like to ride on it.<br> This was possibly directed at me?<br> He hasn't spoken to me for a while.<br> Yeah, I think it was directed at me, because I kinda know he hasn't slept with anyone else for a good few months... so yer, probably at me.<br> Is he calling me a whore?!?!? haha, no I'm only joking.<br> But yer, he is probably thinking that I am.<br> Well then fuck him, literally.</p> <p>I think I might go to bed and finish my dissertation tomorrow morning, although I cannn'''tttt do work in the morning, I also can't do it being tired.<br> Hopefully I have a sudden rush of knowledge come to me in my sleep and it spills out onto the page tomorrow.<br> Why on earth did I get talked into doing a fucking degree, I probably won't even use it.</p> <p>goodnight x</p> <p>oh P.s! I'm going on a date on thursday, exciting! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/24/what_time_is_it_ahhhh~1610722/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/24/what_time_is_it_ahhhh~1610722/Wed, 24 Jan 2007 02:08:34 +0100 <p>So, yesterday. Pretty much all day I *tried* to do uni work, but it totally was not happening.<br> So I ended up lounging about all day. Damn it.<br> I was so bored I was convinced to go out clubbing by (for privacys sake, let's call him-) Jack.<br> I had a pretty good time, he introduced me to a couple of his friends, and I got on pretty well with one girl in particular.<br> Anyway, the night pretty much consisted of drinking and boogie-ing, and the drunkeness stage crept up on my pretty quickly because I was fine... then all of a sudden sloshed. haha oh well.<br> Near the end of the night, I bumped into someone I knew at the bar, (I'll call him) Stu...</p> <p>I had met Stu a couple times before, through my Ex boyfriend.*<br> Nearing the end of mine and my Ex's relationship, Stu came clubbing with us once with some other guys, and my Ex ended up leaving me ALONE at the end of the night to walk home (at this time I lived about 5 miles away from the club) as I had no money. I had called my ex (I was still with him, but by a thread at the time) and asked him where he was, and he knew I was pretty drunk, so he said he'd meet me in 5 mins at the Kebab place. I went there with Stu, who was kind enough to keep me company, even though we only met briefly, at least he was gentlemanly enough not to leave me alone at 2am.<br> Anyway to cut the long, annoying story short, Ex didn't turn up, called ex to see where he was, he was tucked up in fucking bed, Stu walked me the 5 miles to mine and my ex's house, I slept on the sofa otherwise I would have probably not been able to control myself in my livid state if i went into the bedroom.</p> <p>Anyway, yes, Stu was at the club this night, approx 2.5 months after the above incident.<br> I could tell on that night he liked me.<br> I briefly asked how he was, and he asked about my ex, and I told him I'm single now... yadda yadda, and I really wanted to boogie so I said I'd chat to him later.<br> I did see him later, outside, I was bloody freezing because I'd left my jacket in Jack's car, which was about a 5 min walk away, because I'm so tight I didn't want to pay to put it in the clock room.<br> Stu is so sweet, I didn't even have to say anything he offered me his jacket, I kindly refused though as I was leaving in a couple mins, as Jack was giving me a lift home.<br> But yes, I gave Stu my number.<br> I hope he calls, as he is a really sweet guy, and as he hasn't text me yet(it is now half ten the next day) I guess he isn't eager enough to make me uninterested (note- see the comments on my last post into why I would be uninterested haha, I'm such a bitch- but that's the way it is!).</p> <p>Geez, I feel like a bloody floozy, having each post in my blog about a different guy. But it doesn't bother me that much, geez, I'm young, single and I love to boogie.</p> <p>Anyway, Jack gave me a lift home, and I popped onto the computer, on msn messenger, in my merry state, to talk to anyone that was online haha<br> turns out that Fred was online.<br> He asked why I'm online... I was kinda a bit more surprised at hime being online... since he's the kinda guy that doesn't stay up late, does chores... etc. etc.<br> It should be much of a surprise that I'm online, because I go out alotl ate?? and he knows that... anyway<br> He said to me that we should meet up on Monday to have a 'chat' and because I was drunk, I said things similar to:<br> Me- Can I come round yours for a bit tomorrow? If you're busy I wont disturb you or anything, I just wanna hang out...<br> Fred- I'm pretty busy all day tomorrow... I'm having a spring clean... I'll be pretty much tied up all day.<br> Me- Don't worry, I knew it would be a close to negative answer anyway.<br> Fred-Oh<br> Me-Anyway, I don't wanna beat around the bush. And I don't want to have a chat. If you want to carry on dating me or whatever, sure I'll meet you for a chat. But if it's just to tell me you're too busy doing chores to pay me attention, then no I don't want to chat.<br> Fred-I'm sorry.. I know I haven't been paying you alot of attention<br> Me-I know I deserve more than you are giving me Fred.<br> Fred- I know that. this is why I don't think we can be together.<br> Me- Ok that's all I wanted to know, goodnight</p> <p>Haha, I make myself laugh when I'm drunk. But yes, he deserved that, even though he pretty much told me.</p> <p>Anyway. Whatever.</p> <p>x</p> <p>*I broke up with bf of 3 years in early december. I lived with him, and we were engaged. It didn't work out because in the last6-7 months of the relationship, (I'll call him) Jim contracted mild arthiritis, from a previous accident.<br> He always blamed not being intimate with me on this, but I can understand if he couldn't do the whole 'deed' all the time, but the fact that he wouldn't pay me any attention at all in ANY way (for example not even kissing me, or even cuddling me) contributed to the ending of our time together.<br> I still love him, and now that we have broken up he seems to want me to come over all the time for the 'deed', which kinda hurts- but oh well. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/21/i_don_t_know_what_i_m_looking_for_really~1592440/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/21/i_don_t_know_what_i_m_looking_for_really~1592440/Sun, 21 Jan 2007 11:56:42 +0100 <p>So, I went out on my date last night.<br> It was quite odd.<br> I at first assumed it was a date, but it ended up being loads of people.</p> <p>(I shall call him) Gary picked me up at about half 8. I've known Gar for about 4ish years, we did briefly date when I was about 18/19, and I haven't seen him since then. After meeting someone I hadn't seen for ages, I asked them to give Gary my number. This is how we got in touch again.<br> When Gary and I first dated, he was so sweet, honest and caring. He'd do anything for me, he used to walk me home from work (I worked at a club) which was about 3 miles home, at 2.30am- even though he didn't even work at the club. That's what I call sweet.<br> It didn't work out for me though, as I was young, (I'd say a bit) attractive and had the world at my feet I guess.<br> Anyway, Gary called me when he was outside my place, and I went out and discovered 3 other guys in the car with him.<br> I wasn't really that bothered, since we were just going to the pub, and going to the pub isn't really a date, the more the merrier I guess.<br> We end up going to a pub in the next town?? God only knows why, but alot more of Garys friends where there.<br> Some of them were very welcoming of me, but one really got on my nerves.<br> This guy introduced himself, and we got chatting, and he asked me what I woul ike to achieve in the future. That's a fair enough question, so I answered it (in the future I would like to sell my art work, and open a little shop which sells my handmade jewellery, art and clothes).<br> This fucking guy then smirks at me and laughs.<br> I means, how fucking rude. First of all he has known me for 5 minutes, a secondly he does not have a clue what my work looks like.<br> How dare anyone ask someones future dreams/plans, and then laugh in their face, that is so ignorant and rude.<br> So I pretty much ignored him the rest of the time, he tried getting my attention a few times, but I don't have time for people like him.<br> Anyway, I only ended up having one drink at the pub, and everyone else had ALOT to drink. So tehre's me, in the next town away from home, thinking about who's gonna drive home?<br> Course it was me.<br> I end up dropping all the other drunkards off, and it's just me, Gary and his friend, Tim.<br> I'm ok with this, as Tim is a funny guy.<br> They both keep pestering me to choose something to do, as it was 'my night' and I can go anywhere I want- which is very sweet.<br> We end up going to one of the clubs on the beach, which that night was R+B and Hip Hop night, which is fine with me, although I'm a typical Indie/rocker/whatever girl, I do like my Hip hop and R+B- and this is Gary and Tim's main scene.<br> We have a pretty good time, I love to shake my booty to good music, so I was having a good time.<br> Things were going fine until 2 girls started to dance around Gary, Tim and I.<br> Gary then went to the bar to buy me a drink, and they followed and started getting on at him.<br> Gary said that they were jealous because he hasn't had a date in ages, and they both wanted a date with him, but he had refused them before, and now they saw me with him they had being angry.<br> The continued to dance around us, and I sat down briefly because dancing in heels all night is not easy.<br> They started to dance really close to me and ended up spilling drink on me.<br> Of course this was not an accident, and I'm totally not up for anyone hating me just because I'm there with someone they want to date.<br> It's totally ridiculous and childish, and I'm not up for these stupid little games.<br> I told Gary about it, and told him not to say anything, because I don't want to stir anything up.<br> Anyway everything was fine after that, and at the end of the night Gary, Tim and I were standing outside waiting for a ride.<br> Gary insisted on driving home, but I told him I'll walk the 3 miles home if he drives because I'm not getting into a car with a drunk driver.<br> These girls were hanging outside again, and they were pestering Gary, asking for a lift home in his car, and he was being talked around again.<br> I just walked away. I'm not dealing with this shit. But he followed me and we ended up gettin a lift with a sober person driving.</p> <p>Anyway, I did go on a bit there, about nothing in particular.<br> But I'm just confused. Because Gary is a most genuine, sweet guy, and I know he really really likes me.<br> But, although I have ALWAYS FOOKING WANTED someone who would like me and treat me nice etc etc, why can't I like him as much back.<br> I'm pissing myself off now.</p> <p>x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/20/why~1587959/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/20/why~1587959/Sat, 20 Jan 2007 14:55:00 +0100 <p>I am sitting here trying to get on with my uni work, and my attention wonders onto an old Glamour magazine.<br> I'm flicking through and I find an article on 'Sex Blogs'- how women who have kept a blog about their sex lives, and help from other bloggers has improved their sex lives.<br> This may sound a bit extravigant (sp?) but yer, I thought I'd give it a go- not literally talking about sex though. but sure, anything relating to love and life etc.<br> I don't know how one goes about getting people to reply to such posts though... does it just go up on the website and people read it?<br> I have another blog on livejournal, but I've only posted a few, not really personal posts, since someone I'm dating has added me as a friend on there - so I can't really say anything about him or any other guy as a matter of fact.</p> <p>This guy I am dating, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give him a name before I confuse myself and others when I start talking about other guys, let's call him Fred.<br> Anyway, I started seeing him about halfway through december 2006.<br> I met Fred through a girl at work. She is his housemate and they used to be partners a few years ago for a year and a half- and they decided it only worked as friends. This didn't really bother me... as I know they both have seen other people since.<br> The first weekend we met, we kinda jumped into it, I stayed round his house that weekend, and we just generally hung out. We didn't have sex, but I did sleep in his bed.<br> Fred is a real sweetie, he always asks if I'm ok, if I want a cup of tea, and he text me everyday during the week after.<br> I think I saw him a few times after that, and each time it was just me going round his house and hanging out. He hadn't really taken me out, apart from a couple time I've met him on his lunch break for a quick bit to eat and once after his work for 1 drink... I wouldn't really call this 'taking me out' so no, he hasn't actually taken me out.<br> I said to him that I don't really know much about him, and he doesn't know much about me, and maybe we should go on a few dates?<br> He agreed to this.. so it was ok a few days after that, until I stayed round his again, and we had sex (we have done it before this by the way). Anyway, we were having a grand old time, then he asked me to tie him up... so I did, and then something odd happened. It was totally my fault, but I was a bit rough with him and kinda hurt him.<br> I guess every man has different sensitivities, but alot of my last bf's have liked it roungh, and I kinda assumed he did since he asked me to tie him up, but again I admit it was my mistake.<br> Anyway, Fred was in pain all night and a few days after, I didn't really think it would actually last that long, I wasn't THAT rough, just like a tiny weeny bit over normailty- but he told me he has something wrong with down there and it hurts more than usual. ...???...<br> Anyway. a few days later he calls me round to have a *serious* chat...<br> we haven't seen each other since the incident, so I guess I was thinking it was about that.<br> I go round his and he sits me down and said something similar to 'I tink we need to cool off and get to know each other more. i mean we don't know much about each other, and there are are already things about you i dont like, such as you steal the covers at night and you snore, which isn't very ladylike, and we need to get to know what each other likes sexually'.<br> I've been seeing this guy for 3 weeks by then, and I was bloody gobsmacked.<br> One, because I had ALREADY told him we need to get to know each other more, and Two, where does someone get off telling me I'm not ladylike?<br> How dare someone who has previously told me they are going for a shit that I am unlady-like.<br> This totally pissed me off anyhow, and we ended up having an arguement later on, and he said to me 'I am very tired and I need to sleep on whether we should see each other again'<br> This pissed me off also, why must he be the sole decider on the future of anything we may have.<br> So I was just like 'whatever'.<br> At about 1am Fred then texts me saying 'I think we were just being silly, I don't want to stop seeing you'<br> I ignored this text, as I was not the one being silly, he was.</p> <p>Gah, I've gone on a bit there!<br> Anyway, up until now, I thought I'd give him another chance, even though all my friends told me to forget him, I do actually like him, but once again he is pissing me off.<br> I call him like maybe once, twice a week, and I actually know all he does is go to work, go home, then do stuff like chores,<br> and I ask if he would like to go out or something, and he always has an excuse like 'I have ironing' or 'I have to do chores'.<br> I manage to go to work, do chores AND do uni work and still have some spare time!<br> He has also changed his myspace to say 'in a relationship' and asked me why I haven't changed mine from single to that, but personally I don't feel like I'm in a relationship.</p> <p>I called him up this monday (it is now thursday) and I said to him I would like to see him sometime this week, and he said 'ok I'll make some time and let you know'<br> He hasn't spoken to me since, so he has either by tonight to let me know, and if not, I have a date tomorrow night.</p> <p>I really like this guy, but it pisses me off because (this is gonna sound really big headed) even though I'm not like Totally gorgeous and off the scale like Eva Longoria or Paris Hilton or something, but I'd say that I'm better than what he must have previously had.<br> I know this shouldn't make me think any different of him, but he could at least make a bloody effort, as he's always telling me I'm so beautiful and sweet and amazing, well if I bloody am, get off your video playing, 'chores take me all day' arse and TAKE ME OUT!</p> <p>x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/18/i_have_my_reasons~1574018/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://growingupgirl.blog.co.uk/2007/01/18/i_have_my_reasons~1574018/Thu, 18 Jan 2007 12:31:49 +0100