Growing Up Girl

I have been neglecting my uni work so much lately. I am very behind, and I have an interview for another uni next wednesday. argghhhhh. I need to get my shit together, but it's so god damn hard to concentrate. And my back hurts. It's such a fucking pain I feel like an old woman. It only hurts when I sit down in front of computer. And it doesn't help that my job is a desk job either.
All the doctor could give me is a fucking sausage pillow back support. But that doesn't seem to do shit either.
So I end up going to lie down for a bit, or stand up. And then don't do any work. It's a vicious circle.
I need to concentrate, but I can't.
I wish there was some sort of pill or something that can help one get in the frame of mind to do shit loads of work haha, any suggestions?

I'm feeling good today. Although it has been so boring at work with loads of people bending my ear on the phone, I've been ok.
I'm feeling quite tired today because of work. It's so boring and hot, then I go out for a fag and it's frickin freezing- why I put myself through that I do not know.
I tried calling Mike on my lunch break today, and he wasn't picking up, I guess I did panic a bit. It did cross my mind that he may be doing other things. But that's to be expected right.
He called me back a minute later though, he was washing up.
...
Mike bought me a bracelet. It's the first time he has 'bought' me something more than flower or something small. I love it. It also means a hell of alot to me, because he was thinking of me. And I didn't even know h bought it.
It seems that I thought he wouldn't beable to do something like that. He managed to hide it until the last day of our week away. He bought it a month ago and I didn't even notice he had.
I don't know why I find it odd, I mean maybe because I thought I knew about everything he does. Now I know I don't, really.
I enjoyed it because it was a surprise, and something I never expected from him.

Mike is asleep on the sofa at the moment.
We had amazing sex earlier. It was impulsive, explosive, I felt close to him.
It's the first time I haven't thought about 'them' during the act.
I guess that's a good sign?
And then we watched that Ice road truckers show, which is quite good.

Look at me. Mike this Mike that, I'm just blabbing now...
It's late, I better put the sod to bed now.
goodnight

Mike and I went away for a week. It was nice, although the last night there I kinda freaked out. I knew we were coming back.
It was nice to be away from this place. Away from reminders, and as far away from her and her family as possible.

We had dinner out every night at restaurants, we went shopping, he treated me really well.

The last night, I don't know why, but I got really upset. I cried so much, which made him cry. I guess I wanted to come back home, I was homesick, but then again I didn't want to come back here.

It's been nice, being together for a whole week. with no work. As I have mentioned in a previous entry, we never get a fill day together, because we both work, him during the week, and me on the weekends- whilst at uni in the week.

I'm just about to go grocery shopping, haha, we have no food, so I will probably post later or tomorrow.

x

He deleted her from his facebook.
Obviously, He shouldn't contact her.
She sent him a friend request yesterday.
This is how facebook is used to play mind-games, the twisted bitch.

The way he held me, the way he kissed my head, the way he gently kissed my lips, it made me feel alive, amazing.

We made love. We made dinner together. Then we made love again.

It's been a perfect evening. I feel happy.

Is there such thing as having too much sex with the person you love?
Let's say, once or twice a day. Is that too much?
Would you say that it can become boring if you have it once or twice a day for 2 weeks?

Since I found out my boyfriend has cheated on me, every day is going so fast.
It's like a blur.

I do get upset every day. And it upsets me more because the person I would usually seek comfort in when I'm upset, is the one who upset me.
The person I need the most has betrayed me.

We have made love so much more than before I found out. I guess it's just so many emotions flying around right now, it seems more intense.
I'm wasting my days not doing uni work, and instead sitting here and waiting for him to come home. I can't think right now, I just want him to hold me.

Last week, whilst he was at work, I went to town, and bought 5 sets of new lingerie.
I don't know why, I feel like I need to be more attractive to him.

I have changed my mobile number so she can't contact me. He hasn't changed his because his network won't let him, but so far he has ignored anything she has text or called.

I spoke to her once since I found out, didn't say much, just told her to stay away from us, she said to me that I can't stop her from contacting Mike, or talking to him.
I don't know what is wrong with this girl. She does not seem to have any guilt.
I know that it would hurt her a bit if I told her parents, but by the way she's acting all high and mighty and that she has done no wrong at the moment, I doubt it will affect her much, her parents knowing.
The only reason I have not told them is to protect Mike, as her family are a typical bullying family. You're alright when you're on their good side.

Mike and I might be moving, about 200 odd miles away, due to a career opportunity for both of us. I might tell her parents then.
They won't know where we are, but it might get this weight off my chest, as I have not told my parents either. I need to tell someone. I need to see her in at least some distress.
It may sound selfish (Oh did mention she called me selfish too?), but no one she knows, knows. Apart from me obviously. I can't let her get away with not feeling guilty or ashamed, otherwise I'm carrying her guilt and shame for her.

We are going to stay with his parents for a week in a few days. His family have been so amazing and supportive of me. He has also booked us an expensive hotel for a couple nights, during Valentines.
I look forward to being away from here, from this flat in which it happened, because it's driving me crazy.

As I might have mentioned before... I live with my boyfriend of over a year... Mike.
We were perfect in my eyes, and most other peoples eyes. I always get complimented on how I've found someone so good to me. He looks after me, loves me more than I can bear, and is the perfect gentleman.
I guess it was all too good to be true, because he slept with someone.
In our flat.
I didn't even think twice about leaving him alone with another girl. Because I trusted him with anything.
This other girl was his cousin by the way.
She is a well known Man eater... or slag to be exact.
I liked her, I used to ignore the fact that she'd have 2 or 3 guys on the go. I used to ignore that she would wear next to nothing.

He fucked her whilst I was at work.
A week later he kissed her whilst I was at work.
And 2 sundays ago, he watched as she performed some sick show on webcam.
That's how I found out... because I was at work again whilst it happened, but he left the conversation window open.

He fucked her. a Month later she was homeless, and asked to move in. I said yes... he said yes.
I'm not sure if he wanted it on tap... but surely he wasn't guilty enough to keep us seperate.
He couldn't do anything whilst she was living with us, because I was home the whole time with Back pains.
I don't know if they would have.

He seems sorry.
But she sure isn't.. she called me 'spoilt' for being angry at them.
I think that I handled my emotions quite well.
I didn't ever shout at him. I spoke to him.
I didn't shout at her. I haven't told her parents. I haven't done anything to her, apart from told her I want her stuff out of my house asap.
I didn't even chuck her shit out.
I could have.
When she collected her stuff, we opened the door, and ignored her.
I think it was better than having a go at her.
We left her to it, as we stood in the kitchen.
She text him later saying that we were out of order...?
I have no idea what is going though this girls head.
She lived here for a month. We cooked for her. W charged her £250. She had her own room. And her own bathroom.
I think that's dirt cheap.
She doesn't seem to think so.
She called me tight, and that we sucked all the money out of her...
She has a full time job? It's not like she's living on buttons.
I only work part time, and go to uni, and still manage to pay £600 (my half) a month for rent a bills.
She's had an easy ride.
I hope Karma gets her.

I tried to make him realise he had hurt me... but ..well I guess forgiving him is better than chucking him out.

I didn't shout, I didn't lash out.. I haven't made hell of his life.

I feel empty.
It hurt me so much.
But I can't hurt them back.